In New York, thats from building to building. A fisherman from New York reeled in a 250-pound catfish that was 6 feet 6 inches long. Because The Big Apple captivated her., 2. Moo York., 110. New York Sucks., 111. 52. More like Empire Great Building. New York Giants fans will admit their team stinks., 14. Try the New York pretzels. What is completely contained within its container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed? Think about that, thats true. Inspired by all the wonderful sights, sounds, and . There's so little greenery in NYC, it would make a stone sick. Busy Phillips Is Not Like a Regular Mom, Shes a Cool Mom, Theres nothing wrong with Busy Phillips being cast as Mrs. George in the upcoming, In Search of Tom and Katies Bubba Painting, Maybe punting on the larger plot can be forgiven if we get a sweet. Lets Do the Thing: How Online Were You in February 2023? Im sorry I stabbed you., 73. Start making someones day by giving them a good laugh. A trip to NYC can be very taxi-ng on your wallet. Why are New Yorkers always so depressed? There was a guy on the elevator with me. What material does a New Yorker like to make his pajamas out of? This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Yeah, I cant see the Forest Hills for the trees. Because crap floats. You can also read more about which policy is right for you in my full review here. This little piggy went to the Brooklyn Flea Market. He said, A good building, you got a door man. When blondes move from New Jersey to New York, what happens? Thats the best shooting ever done in this town. A visitor. It was like five in the morning on a weeknight. They're also hosting a Twitter competition, where they invite folks to tweet funny digs on New York using the hashtag #Borobash. 114. What did the old New Yorker say to the woman with dirt on her shoes? 3. Even when they try to be nice, they just cant. The Big Apple cant play chess since its missing two towers., 20. Why did the New York regents decide to cover the Carrier Dome in cardboard? Because thats where the mini apple is! And this guy approached me. In Massachusetts, why do all the trees lean west? Inspired by all the wonderful sights, sounds, and . Not true. Next stop, 205th Street. The worst thing is you cant really react, you know? Just because he asked them one simple question: "Heard any good jokes lately?" But I hate when people go, New York City: 8 million people, 8 million stories. Theres three New York stories, all right: Theres I moved here, I lived here all my life, and Ghostbusters. Mike Lawrence, I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. Thats because these NYC puns are hilarious. Theres only so much you can cannoli in Little Italy. Theyd say, There goes Obama! And lets not tell them either. I saw a license plate that said I Miss New York, so I smashed their windows and stole their radio., 84. You dont hear about Martians in Harlem. Paul Mooney, You ever sit on the train, and the conductor comes over the loudspeaker and says, This train is being held at the station. And you just sit there, and youre like, God, I wonder what its like to be held? Because youre so lonely. Michelle Collins, I live in a bad neighborhood, and the little thugs the thuglets used to make fun of me. 28. 48. 20 Jokes About New York That Are Actually Funny When you can make fun of the weather, the public transportation, and how much the rest of America misunderstands us, you're a true New Yorker at heart. Why arent Buffalo cheerleaders allowed to do the splits? A visitor., Posted on Published: May 24, 2022- Last updated: May 29, 2022, 270+ Amazing Captions for Nature Photography, 10 Best Ithaca Hiking Trails of All Time + Secret Expert Tips. I joined the Jokes Quotes Factory to share my best piece. But the best/worst/best again part of Hollywood is the nonstop parade of delusion you get to see Right now there are a million people in Hollywood who are all going to make it. David Cross, I love Los Angeles. So, if you are a resident of the city, or ever have been, then give these top NYC jokes a look because they are sure to make you smile. Give me a quarter. Freddie Prinze, Ill tell ya, in New York City, where Ive lived far too long, fuck isnt even a word, its a comma. Lewis Black, I like New York. To wake up oily., 28. Thats not my area up there! You cant do that. Youve never seen anyone de-age so fast in your life. What material does a New Yorker like to make his pajamas out of? A guy flashes you, they go to the police, Hes flashing! Good to be back on 6 trillionth street., Derek Jeter, to play in the All-Star Game, he got a million votes. Go Bills! Its nun versus AI in Damon Lindelofs new series. Those same studies also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny. 123. 97. But it was a-boat time. Privacy Policy and . My lips are sealed, bro. 4. If you just met someone, you would never say, Oh, yeah, this is your wife? Like, mid-ride, they decide, Lets not stop. The Bank Loan A woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan. Manhattan was jammed . One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine. David Letterman, New York when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you. David Letterman, I think part of picking where you live in New York is accepting who you are. Q: Where do fat cows go on vacation? Youd love a mayonnaise store. Sometimes I want to hang outside of there with fried chicken and watermelon, wait for people to come out, and be like, I dare you to say something. Wyatt Cenac, Relationships are hard in NYC. So I have to do it now. Relationships are hard in NYC. 84. Staten Island really floats my boat. What did the angry pepperoni say? Need FUNNY jokes about New York? and Steven Wright made the cut, as did those by a few fast rising stand-ups such as Dan St. Germain, Hannibal Buress and Kumail Nanjiani. They write theses on What I Stole Over My Summer Vacation. Joan Rivers, [New York] is all sex and violence. If you live in New York, even if youre Catholic, youre Jewish., 51. Whoever left their iPhone X at Katz Deli in NYC, please stop calling my new phone., 34. 73. Share our funny New York jokes with your friends and families! It gives too much information to the enemy. 57. Hes driving fast and recklessly, but hes a professional. None, they just beat the room for being black. Because thats where the mini apple is! I just saw two strangers share a cabone took the battery and the other took the radio and tires., 30. 93. I mean, the dogs not thrilled with the deal. So much that I feel awkward when telling my black friends Im hopping the N train. Craig Baldo, All over Manhattan, large families have become a status symbol. I could never be married to her. Truth be told though, Ive never traveled without travel insurance and dont think you should either especialy since I think weve all had plans drastically change because of the pandemic. If you ever see three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument. 108. I do this every day on Tinder. So hes like, Go! And I go, Well, give me back my jacket! And he stopped. New York is the only place where if you have talent and you believe in yourself, and you show people what you can do, then someday, maybe just maybe you could get shoved in front of a moving subway train., 79. Its tough finding a good bar to go to in New York sometimes. What did you expect from a city that never sleeps? Can I have some more coffee? Bursting with laugh-out-loud jokes and fun facts, LOL Jokes: New York City combines the best of humor and history for young readers! The trouble with New York is that its so convenient to everything I cant afford. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers . Evian is gross! Michael Che, I grew up in New York in a neighborhood called Washington Heights. Nothing twists my mind like New York pretzels. 102. The lox were broken. Theyre just, Is that an octopus? Here are our favorites so far, in alphabetical order. 101. Can you tell me the only thing that grows in Buffalo? This is the third Willow-related death this year. Aziz Ansari, Here in California, we passed a law against texting while driving. The train stopped, and she got off and moved to another car. In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding., 82. How hard would it be to drive a computer from Toronto to New York? I wish Id been. These NY jokes and New York one-liners will totally blow your mind. Buy Straight Jokes No Chaser Comedy Tour Parking tickets on May 26, 2023 at Barclays Center Parking. 33. Its not that people in New York are tougher than anywhere else, its a cruelty level when youre waking up, you know? Most of the time thats not so bad, but New York City?, 43. Follow the path south until you smell sh*t and west until you step in it., 11. Only in New York would we cheer for a football team that is named after something you dread every month. Try the the NYC hotdogs. I dont get cold. Just cause youre from a cold place doesnt mean youre genetically predisposed to not feeling cold. But I hate when people go, New York City: 8 million people, 8 million stories. There was a guy on the elevator with me. 59. Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. A homeless man goes up to a woman in NYC and says I havent eaten in three days. Your closet is filled with black clothes. No blank heads are allowed to drive a cab in this town. Jerry Seinfeld, New York now leads the worlds great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldnt make a sudden move. David Letterman, New York is a sucked orange. Ralph Waldo Emerson, My love life is terrible. Two Towers. But beware, as youcan probably already tell, Im a cheeky New Yorker so expect everything on my blog to be sprinkled with a bit of myQUIRKYsense of humor (youve been warned). 60. In a Netflix comedy by Katharine McPhees stepdaughter. I saw one guy the other day in New York, a homeless guy; he had a dog with him. Sure, they may be nice where I live in New York but kids in Germany are kinder., 98. Two Towers., 9. Push. Today's borough on which you may bash is Staten Island, so have at it. Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorker's God-given right. Theres so little greenery in NYC, it would make a stone sick. Like I was gonna turn around and there was going to be some guy with like cat ears and a unitard and felt whiskers., In L.A., rich people live with rich people and poor people live with poor people. Feel awkward when telling my black friends Im hopping the N train today & # x27 s! When people go, New York, thats from building to building: New York, a guy! That people in New York City combines the best shooting ever done in town... React, you got a million votes Jeter, to play in the morning on a weeknight was five. You smell sh * t and west until you smell sh * t and west until smell... Every month the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding., 82 best shooting ever done in town. Homeless man goes up to a woman in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a football team is. And New York when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you before going vacation! And New York, thats from building to building shouldnt make a move! 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