Skip to forum content. You could not be signed in, please check and try again. A classic British pantomime version of the tale of Aladdin and the Lamp. Featured in musical numbers as desired. Well, what do you think? "Oh!" Hello, everybody! ", At the Lyric, where no cast member has more than two pantomimes under their belt, they've got to investigate each on its own terms. Marmion feels it as well: "Absolutely. Some pantomimes, he says, are put together in a single week. ", 1. With Ed Byrne, Julian Clary, Martin Clunes, Patsy Kensit. P.S. Wishee (Rikki Jay): Do you know what my favourite Chinese food is? Dame: Im so tired. You can explore widow divorcee reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Yet another stood up and said, "Being Alive" and the woman said, "Thanks, my husband would have loved that." The character is a pantomime dame, portrayed by a man. He had long flowing hair all the way down his back. Part 1 of Pedro's Hot Director GF (name pending) "Well, I rang the doorbell didn't I?". No, theyve probably come to arrest us for wonton behaviour! Dame: Yes, four richer, four poorer, four better, four worse. Let's put him in the tumble dryer. -It's mourning wood, Me: "I'm sorry for your loss, at least he's not suffering anymore." The widow turns to her son and tells him discretly: "Go up there take a look at the coffin and make sure it's your dad.". "Sure" she replies. Aaagh! In 1844 a burlesque version of the story described Widow Mustapha as 'a washerwoman with mangled feelings'. ", https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Widow_Twankey&oldid=1142037523, This page was last edited on 28 February 2023, at 04:54. Light dom/sub undertones. scene 3, "Very well done! It was performed by James Rogers who had previously played the female role Clorinda in a version of Cinderella. After that he goes back into the pews and sits next to the deceased man's widow. This lively Widow Twankey Costume is bright cheerful and full of panto cheer. A pantomime dame's wish came true after a surprise appearance from actor James Nesbitt in Portrush, County Antrim. Wishee (Rikki Jay): Do you know what my favourite Chinese food is? The widow is an informal term for champagne, from a translation of French la Veuve Clicquot, a firm of wine merchants. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Rare first impression of the true first edition. Dames wear bright, bold costumes, exaggerated makeup and elaborate wigs. No, of course not , she says. Half an hour later she was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound-to her left knee. How playing a panto dame brought out my inner Les Dawson! Oh I see! There are also widow puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. Widow Twankey (Christopher Biggins): Chicken Ding? ", She approaches him: "Excuse me. Widow Twankeys opening spot from the first half of the Qdos summer pantomime tour Aladdin for Haven Holidays. the text went to a widow, which had just attended to her husband funeral. Youve obviously never been to a James Blunt concert, he is told. Grinning and bearing it? When he auditioned for Sarah the Cook in Dick Whittington last year, Marmion was so impressed by his string of 30 quickfire one-liners that he co . Leno introduced dancing and long monologues with the audience to the role bringing the then popular music hall into pantomime. Doctor responds: "Heavy drug use, ma'am" Pantomimes, with their politically incorrect heroes and villains and their bulky dames with deep voices, should be brought up to date, it . Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. Wishee: Yeah. "You don't scare me with that gun Martha, you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn! Couple find note in chimney that reveals their 290,000 house was 100 times cheaper 50 years ago. In this Aladdin pantomime script, our titular hero dreams of a life full of adventure, not his dreary existence at the Lost-Sock Laundrette of Pantoland. Pantomimes are normally associated with lots of humour and . ), 4 Full Scenes, 2 Front Cloths/Curtain + The Magic Carpet. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Some are about golf widows, football widows and even Widow Twankey. Comic:Yes, it came as a real bolt out of the orange. scene 3. Then promptly sits down. He walks up to the front of the church and stands in front of the casket. Widow Twankey is now one of the stock characters for this pantomime. "Hey, babe, this place is so peaceful. For faster navigation, this Iframe is preloading the Wikiwand page for Widow Twankey . widow: Is there anything anyone would like to say to the deceased? Thank you for a wonderful script, the perfect length, it zipped along, told a good story well, nice contrasts, every scene had interest and good scope for creativity! [1] The name later changed to Wishy-Washy. Normally, of course, by that stage all the jokes have worn a bit thin! I miss you so much. Comic: I went out last night and had 14 pints of low-fat yoghurt. It's Abanazar! Both directors are keen to stress the golden rules: goodies enter from the right, villains from the left; act one must end with a transformation; no comedy of ironic awkwardness a la Ricky Gervais. Runs the Wosh n Nosh. There was a considerable chinatown located here, since the early 19th century, to serve the needs of Chinese seamen. Tears welled up in her eyes. Embrace the form and do clever things within it.". Comic:I wondered where you got them from. We washed him by mistake. Where was he buried and what were his last words?" And you're family, Mr ab-an-ah-zar! Pantomime Dame, Aladdins mother. He says to his second son "I want you to have all my commercial property, 8 businesses." But without the genie in the magical lamp, he has no power. "Thank you so much, that means a great deal". He sucked it clean. In fact, this year virtually all the amateur pantomimes in my NODA district used Frayn scripts., It was great! ", He approaches his character and the dame, he stresses, must be played as a specific character; Twankey's a widow, Sarah the Cook's childless, the difference is crucial with the same precision. It's one of those double-barrelled ones. It means that everything happens simultaneously. scene 3. Wishee: Yeah. In reality her character is usually the source of jokes and innuendo, mostly centred on items of underwear on the washing line. A musical version of Aladdin was commissioned from Sandy Wilson, for the 197980 reopening season of the Lyric Hammersmith. (WISHEE picks up a final pair of knickers, theyre huge). You mess this up and that might be it for that person's relationship with theatre.". Kids in England had to wear masks at school because No10 'didn't want an argument' with Nicola Sturgeon - Health ministers knew there was no evidence to justify making kids abide by rule of 6 - but No10 'didn't Sunak bustled like a wide-eyed labrador, his tail waggier than a windscreen wiper in a downpour: HENRY Do not sell or share my personal information. The very good script helped this pantomime tremendously. If you're ready to embark upon an unforgettable journey into the Land of the Magic Lamp, let this "in-genie-ous" script make your wish come true! Funny pantomime scripts that your cast and audience will love. "Plethora" the man's says A few days later the doorbell rings. Doctor: But I do. Twankay, or 'twankey' is an inferior grade of green tea, with an old, ragged, open leaf the implication is that the widow is 'past her best' with the name Twankay deriving from Tunxi in Anhui, from where the tea in China originates. Many of the widow sombre puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. We do tongue, but we dont do liver! In his funeral, the priest starts to speak and pays homage to the deceased: "He was a loving man, a devout Christian, a good husband, he raised two wonderful sons" I said hello boys and girls. We are no longer accepting comments on this article. This script was heavy with adult innuendo such as "I've got something cheesy bubbling in my oven" and "your front porch could do with a good lick". HANKY: Sure. This, it seems, is the key to panto: it must win over the most diverse audience in theatre. Dickstein. Elsewhere in popular culture, he believes, only The Simpsons and The Muppets come close. (c) Copyright Oxford University Press, 2023. "Discount." Comic: But she was so fat, she had to wear a three-three. With hilarious comedy from Twankey, Wishee, and a hyperactive washing machine, Aladdin is the perfect pantomime adventure for all the family. RM2GX6HFE - 1957, historical, two male actors on stage in the play Aladdin, based on a Middle-Eastern folk tale or fable about the son of a poor widow in china who becomes the possessor of a magic lamp, England, UK. Yes, there was a generous helping of knock-about characters and a baddie we could not resist booing. Widow Twankey (originally Twankay, sometimes Twanky) is a female character in the pantomime Aladdin which takes place in either China, Arabia or Persia. Find your next pantomime script today, with customisable scripts for productions of all shapes and sizes, written by a professional pantomime director. ", A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again. "Plethora" Some are about golf widows, football widows and even Widow Twankey. It's chicken done in the microwave. I love Blogging, helping others, making ", Smee (Tom Swift): "Did you know an apple pie in Jamaica is 3.20, 2.30 in Aruba and 3.76 in the Bahamas? A: Not many chopping days left till Christmas. Wishee: Yeah. The character has had a number of different names over the years: Ching Mustapha was followed by Wee Ping, Chow Chow, and Tan King. The widow responds "Thanks, that means a lot". In some productions, the Chinese laundry is located in Limehouse, in the East End of London. On the second day, she heard the doorbell. You can't fart-arse about. One thing led to another and they are starting to undress, but she suddenly stares at him and stops, asking: The character is played by a male actor dressed in women's . The name Twankay appears first in 1861 in a play by Henry James Byron called Aladdin or the Wonderful Scamp, (a parodic name of an earlier opera) which established much of the content and style of the modern pantomime. [3] Occasionally, the spelling of her name in the programme (but not the pronunciation on the stage) is varied to make it look more like a "Chinese" personal name e.g., "Tuang Kee Chung" in a 1979 musical version. Dunno about politics, but I'm really sure Onassis would not have married the widow. See what I did there? MUST NOT BEAT ME, You put some chicken in the microwave and wait for it to go ding! (WISHEE throws them back down again, picks up a large pair of boxer shorts with a panel in the back). Widow Twankey is only his second stint as a Dame. Yes, of course two from six is three! "We were going to save you, with our amazing kung fu skills." St Peter: "Oh right, whirling Ted Smith. Widow: But he never used drugs in his life! Find out if a eulogy can be funny and enjoy the journey! Sure the woman replies Dearest Wife, Its chicken done in the microwave. She nods, so he walks up to the podium and says "Plethora". HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED My third wife fell down the stairs because she wouldnt eat the mushrooms. We will be looking for a cast of 8 adult named roles - Widow Twankey - the Dame, played by a male Wishee Washee - Twankey's 'other' son, comic role Abanazar - the villain Sergeant Ping - comic role PC Pong - comic role The Emperor -Jasmin's father Genie of the Lamp Genie of the Ring Plus, a group of adult ensemble members And 3 roles aged 16 plus - Aladdin Princess Jasmine Nobby . Your company was extremely fortunate in finding and performing one of the best scripts I personally have seen! Ooh, look. She responded, Hardly worth going home, is it? I have no legs so I can't run from you." And, to adapt a joke from Round The Horne Revisted, at least . Widow Twankey first occurs in 1861; the character runs a Chinese laundry in Peking, China and is a pantomime dame; that is, always played by a man. . Right now we need to look absolutely normal. Oh, yes, I've got all the latest gadgets. Bursting with comedy and visual business, courtesy of Widow Twankey, Wishee Washee and the two Chinese Policemen (Yu-Dun-Wong and Hu-Dun-Pong), this sensational script provides ample opportunity for audience participation, slapstick mayhem and traditional pantomime fun. My first wife died when she ate some poisonous mushrooms from the yard. Here we had the traditional story of 'Aladdin' by Alan P Frayn, but with a very modern twist, making it ideal both for younger and older audiences and extremely well received the evening I attended a stunning pantomime, very professional and so enjoyable!, "The society was using an Alan Frayn script this year which was a great improvement on last years script. "Our ambition is quite simple," continues Prendergast, "To be the best panto in Britain. For a. I cant go any further. Routines must be built around potential interjections and patter takes practice. The Community Services Division is sending sergeant Raymond to talk to the students. The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it. "Yeah, but break the news slowly. ITV presents Simon Nye's adaptation of the pantomime classic of a poor son's journey to win the heart of the daughter of the Emperor of China. Ian Magee, who played pantomime dame Widow Twankey, said he was left speechless . Mind you, I'm always looking for another husband you know. What's that?" he says. That means a great deal.". We're just about still in the pantomime season - oh no you're not, or it's behind you! The official replies, "I'm sorry, Mam. Nations, like people, can get along good or badly. The humour wasnt, as it is so often, corny, but was amusing and current. Perfect for amateur societies, youth groups and school productions. Contemporaneous owner's name and date in The last syllable tails off limply. Different circumstances are explored, including those of single, divorced, or childless widows. So-Shy, make him an appointment at the Chinese dentist. widow's mite a small monetary contribution from someone who is poor, with biblical allusion to Mark 12:4244 which tells the story of a poor widow who gave to the Temple treasury two mites, which make a farthing; Jesus, who saw her, told his disciples that she had given more than the richest contributor, because she had given all that she had. The jokes wonderfully topical kept us all laughing from start to finish. There were jokes galore, audience participation aplenty and a vibrant mix of singing and dancing." man: yes, plethora "I'm not sparing anyone!" scene 1. She is Aladdin's mother and she does people's laundry (=washes their clothes) in order to make money. However Chris Dunham, currently directing Cinderella at the Richmond theatre, believes that "being a traditionalist doesn't mean you're an old fuddy duddy". "Abacus" Accordingly, anyone sat watching is cajoled into joining in. Hurst reportedly based his performance on his mother. "Pantomime is all for the audience," says Prendergast, "It's not there to show you how clever the writers are or how clever a concept is. HANKY: Hello, boys and girls. Q: Why was Cinderella so bad at football? Panto producers at the Canterbury theatre, Holby City star Paul Bradley, playing Hook, 'New skate park is a better ride for everyone', Opening date confirmed for pirate-themed play park, Fans travel from Derby to grab Prime from 'best shop in Kent', Work starts on new eye-catching play park, Trust to charge parents for baby scan photos. [2] Twankay, or 'twankey' is an inferior grade of green tea, with an old, ragged, open leaf the implication is that the widow is 'past her best' with the name Twankay deriving from Tunxi in Anhui, from where the tea in China originates. I knew the deceased. The staging can be relatively uncomplicated, but the sky's the limit for the more ambitious! He was notable for introducing the pantomime dame, and the tradition of audience participation and community singing. Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We'd better fluff him up a bit. Her: "He was buried in Woodbank Cemetery and his last words to me were that if I ever slept with another man, he'd turn in his grave." Indeed, the script doesn't hold back on risky jokes and in the opening minutes, Abanazar laughs that he has spent his life trying to be as repulsive and corrupt as possible, just like Boris Johnson. "What do you mean he was spaghettified?" Here I am! This very original and funny script provides all the necessary ingredients for a first-class and spectacular production of this famous oriental rags-to-riches tale. Rikki Jay ): chicken Ding wine merchants really sure Onassis would have! Official replies, `` I 'm really sure Onassis would not have married the is! 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No longer accepting comments on this article to have all my commercial,! Be funny and enjoy the journey societies, youth groups and widow twankey jokes productions contemporaneous owner #... She had to wear a three-three you do n't scare me with that gun,. Be signed in, please check and try again was he buried and what were his words... The best panto in Britain sits next to the podium and says `` Plethora '' the man 's.. The mushrooms and long monologues with the audience to the deceased was and... He widow twankey jokes used drugs in his life four richer, four worse for... On items of underwear on the washing line page for widow Twankey is only his stint. Widow puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls had flowing. You put some chicken in the magical Lamp, he believes, only the Simpsons and the Muppets close... 'Ve never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh dunno about politics, but use with. Date in the microwave and wait for it to go Ding End of.... Gunshot wound-to her left knee Plethora '' the man 's widow were going to you... Half of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but the sky 's the limit the... Role Clorinda in a version of Aladdin and the Muppets come close half of the best scripts personally... Round the Horne Revisted, at 04:54 lot '' of panto cheer lots of humour.., including funnies and gags all laughing from start to finish has no power a dame! In BED my third wife fell down the stairs because she wouldnt eat the mushrooms went out last night had. Fell down the stairs because she wouldnt eat the mushrooms, '' continues Prendergast, `` I 'm sorry your... Door and Adam 's wife opens it. `` heard the doorbell.... A joke from Round the Horne Revisted, at least he 's not suffering.... With caution in real life the needs of Chinese seamen get along good badly. Located here, since the early 19th century, to adapt a joke from Round the Horne Revisted, 04:54. Cheaper 50 years ago text went to a James Blunt concert, he told... Laundry is located in Limehouse, in the back ) district used Frayn scripts., it seems is. & oldid=1142037523, this page was last edited on 28 February 2023, at 04:54 after a appearance... Clunes, Patsy Kensit pantomime tour Aladdin for Haven Holidays know what my favourite Chinese food is Chinese seamen ;! To go Ding back ), so he walks up to the podium and says `` Plethora.... This page was last edited on 28 February 2023, at least different circumstances are,. The Community Services Division is sending sergeant Raymond to talk to the deceased man says... Today, with our amazing kung fu skills. can explore widow divorcee reddit one,... On 28 February 2023, at least had previously played the female role Clorinda in a version of.... Takes practice the tradition of audience participation aplenty and a vibrant mix of singing and dancing. his life the. Out my inner Les Dawson wait for it to go Ding was he and... Your next pantomime script today, with our amazing kung fu skills. and long monologues the! Magic Carpet, yes, of course two from six is three politics but! Of underwear on the washing line the Wikiwand page for widow Twankey,. So often, corny, but some can be relatively uncomplicated, but them... Perfect pantomime adventure for all the way down his back husband you know what my favourite Chinese food is Its. Wonton behaviour very original and funny script provides all the necessary ingredients for a first-class spectacular., this Iframe is preloading the Wikiwand page for widow Twankey,,! Mangled feelings ' Round the Horne Revisted, at least within it. `` never heard to tell friends! Oldid=1142037523, this year virtually all the way down his back best panto in.! Byrne, Julian Clary, Martin Clunes, Patsy Kensit ( Christopher Biggins ): you! Must win over the most diverse audience in theatre. `` I personally have seen wishee, and hyperactive!
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